My lover
wearing nothing but a hat
improvised from palm leaves
and turbanesque in shape
barbecues fresh sea bream
with the grace of a sultana.

She passes nothing but remarks
calls me dickhead, runt, alcoholic
five times a day
under her minaret
but is she sexy?
Oh yes….you bet !

She has the true grit of emery
if you rub against her long enough
you become smooth, French, polished.
A principled uva-pesca-vegetariana sultana
without her my every morning
would be a pig’s breakfast
of Stornoway Black Pudding
and offal, offal.

She’s disapproved, derided
disdained, disputed and disliked
since the day we first met
but do I love her?
Oh yes….you bet!






















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